What Scares Me

Whether or not it is clear as day or if it's as subtle as a blink, fear has a hold on everyone. I like to think that I'm not afraid of anything. However, as much as I would like to believe that I can't. The idea of failing makes me feel very unsettled.

When I say failing, I don't mean an "F" exactly. I have set a lot of high standard goals that I plan to meet within the near future. They mainly revolve around becoming an officer. Since it such a high goal and status, there are many ways that I can fail in meeting that goal. It seems like I am on such a tight rope that I can't hold on to any of the "baggage" that I used to carry around. The things that I used to consider fun are largely diminished. I am so afraid of doing something stupid that would make all of my hard work for practically nothing. Even something as minute as a curfew ticket or a detention scares me. Right now I am balancing on such a narrow strip that it feels like a windy day could ruin a lot of things.

I will never say that I regret beginning this process, this "adventure." I will say that this time in particular is the most frightening part of my life--so far. I have five schools that I NEED to apply for in order to stay qualified for the NROTC Scholarship that I am shooting for, the Naval Academy, which is a boat-load of fun to apply for, and I have to maintain a constant state of motivation to prepare myself for whatever happens.

Also I am in the limbo period of the process where I don't know anything right now. I sent in my application and I have to wait another seven months until I hear back from NROTC. I guess that I am more stressed if anything at this period, but it is the thought of failing, not getting what I worked so hard for, really scares me to death.

After reading this whole thing, it seems like I did more "venting" if anything. Bottom-line: not meeting my goals scares me. Thank you for reading my frustrations.